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When people think of rape, they might think of a stranger jumping out of a shadowy place and sexually attacking someone. But it's not only strangers who rape. Actually, many people who have been raped already knew the person who attacked them.

Growing up means developing friendships, going out on dates, and meeting new people. Getting to know others is an important and exciting part of life. Most friendships, acquaintances, and dates never lead to violence, of course. But, sadly, sometimes it happens. When forced sex occurs between two people who already know each other, it is known as date or acquaintance rape. Even if the two people know each other well, and even if they were intimate before, no one has the right to force a sexual act from another against his or her will. Girls and women are most often the victims of rape, but it can happen to boys and men, too.

Even though rape involves forced sex, rape is not about sex or passion. Rape has nothing to do with love. Rape is an act of aggression and violence.

Healthy relationships involve respect - including respect for the other person's feelings. If a date, friend, or boyfriend is pressuring a girl to be more intimate than she wants to be, that's not a healthy relationship. Sex is not something that one person owes to another. Someone who really cares will respect a girl's wishes and not apply force or pressure about sex.

The Involvement of Alcohol and Drugs

Alcohol use is involved in many date rapes. Drinking can loosen people's inhibitions, dull common sense, and - for some - bring out sexually aggressive behaviour. A teen using alcohol will find many situations when it becomes harder to use good judgment, to be cautious, or to protect herself.

A recent trend has been the illegal use of the drug rohypnol, sometimes called the date rape drug. Also called roofies or the forget pill, this drug may be prescribed to help people sleep. When rohypnol and alcohol are mixed, however, the effects can be devastating.

Girls who have been given rohypnol and alcohol may report feeling paralysed, having blurred vision, and temporarily experiencing memory impairment. They can black out and forget things that happen to them while they are in this state. Because rohypnol may be slipped into girls' drinks at a party or at other times without their knowledge, some experts suggest that girls should always handle their own drinks.

Protecting Yourself against Date Rape

The best defence against date rape is to try to prevent it whenever possible. A girl can help to protect herself from possible date rape by:

Avoiding secluded places with someone until she knows him well and he has earned her trust.

Not spending time alone with someone who makes her feel uneasy or uncomfortable. This means following her instincts and removing herself from situations that she doesn't feel good about.

Staying sober. Many date rapes involve drugs or alcohol, and sometimes a date might slip drugs like rohypnol or GHB (gamma-hydroxybutyrate) into a drink to make a person more vulnerable.

Learning to say "no" in a definite way. Girls should say it clearly when they need to, and guys should understand that "no" means "no" - it is not an invitation to try to persuade someone to have sex.  

Taking self-defence courses. These can build confidence and teach valuable physical techniques a person can use to get away from an attacker.

And of course, even if a girl does have a drink, gets herself into an uncomfortable situation, or doesn't yell "NO" loudly enough, no-one ever has the right to use force or coercion.

Getting Help

Unfortunately, even if someone takes every precaution, date rape can still happen. If a date or acquaintance rape does occur, the best thing to do is to get help and advice as soon as possible - contact the Rape Crisis Centre on 020 7837 1600, from a parent, a doctor or another trusted, responsible adult.

Visit the links below for more information and advice.

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